


How (Not)  to Seduce a Cougar in 5 Simple Steps

by iluvpaddedwalls



Series: Seduction!Verse [1]
Category: The Losers (2010), The Losers (Comic)
Genre: Bumbling Seduction Techniques, Flirty!Jensen, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oblivious!Cougar, Threats of butter knives and chainsaws
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-26
Updated: 2012-09-26
Packaged: 2017-11-15 01:38:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/521735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iluvpaddedwalls/pseuds/iluvpaddedwalls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen loves Cougar. But Cougar seems to be utterly oblivious.  So he decides to follow 5 simple steps to bag himself a Cougar. I mean, what could go wrong right? He got these right off the internet so they're practically guaranteed to work....</p>
            </blockquote>





	How (Not)  to Seduce a Cougar in 5 Simple Steps

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I know I'm supposed to be busy writing for my bigbang (please don't tell my beta that I'm skiving*pouts*) but I kinda got detoured for a day just catching up on some Losers fic. I tried to find something out there about Jensen seducing Cougar successfully but I couldn't really find any. Sooo...my brain thought up of this. This will actually be two parts, this part where Jensen tries really hard and fails and a second part that will be following right after. I won't give the second part away now though;) And this will be in Cougars POV.

Step. 1  
Get Your Confidence Up  
Do something that makes your confidence boost. You need to make the man like you before you can make a move. Nothing is more attractive to a man than a woman who is confident, comfortable and happy.

 

Cougar had been getting the take-out when it had happened. But he heard the tail end of it when he walked in the door. He could hear Clay yelling from the living room and he silently placed the take-out in the small kitchen. He would try to sneak past and to his room. After all, this might be because Clay had found out that someone had snatched his last bottle of Jack Daniels. If that was the case, Jensen would probably forgive him (eventually and after many bribes) if Cougar threw him under the bus.

As he moved closer he was able to assume from the following conversation that it was not indeed about the missing Jack Daniels bottle and from something that Jensen had done again as he was the one slouched in front of an irate Clay who was throwing his arms around.  
"....five calls today Jensen! And they keep coming. You know what I wanted to do this morning when I woke up? Huh? I woke up and I thought to myself, today is such a nice day. Instead of going out and having a peaceful day I want to spend my day being reamed out and apologizing to all the three letter agencies out there and then some! FBI, DEA, NSA, DOD, DHS and what the hell were you thinking hacking into the President of the United States planner and scheduling a Princess Party?" As the rant progressed Cougar watched Clays face get progressively red and the vein in his neck pound.

Jensen had his head bowed and his shoulders hunched around him. When he spoke, it was so low that Cougar only managed to catch a couple words.   
"...works hard....stress relief....more fun than you would think....supposed..confidence boost..."

Cougar shook his head. Clay looked outraged but unlikely to actually physically harm the hacker, so he went a head to his room, leaving the hacker as the shouting resumed. 

Step 2.  
Do Flirting Without Talking  
Start with almost accidentally sidelong glances. You can follow up with a direct look. The moment he looks back, then you instantly lower your eyes and put on an embarrassed smile. You can even emphasize that some moments later by looking again, this time longer and then again lower your eyes

 

Cougar was leaned back on his bed, hat lowered and hands busy cleaning his gun. He could appreciate the fact that his hands could obviously do it without much thought because all of his attention was on the hacker sitting on the other bed in the room.

He didn't let the other man know that he was aware of how he was sitting, cross-legged and fidgeting, eyes wide and staring at him. Cougar was aware that Jensen would sometimes look at him. Most of the time he would sit as he was and Jensen would be at his computer doing whatever it was that he did. But every hour or so the clicking of the keys would stop and Jensen would glance up at him, as if to see if he was still there. 

Cougar didn't have a problem with those kind of looks as he was guilty of doing the same thing. But this was completely different. He could feel the eyes boring into the side of his head and it had been going on for almost twenty minutes now. He silently sighed and and rested his gun in his lap, tilting his face up and letting his eyes meet Jensen's. 

Immediately the hacker looked down and away. Cougar lifted an eyebrow and waited several minutes but the hacker refused to look back at him. Shaking his head he went back to cleaning his gun and almost, almost, chucked his gun in frustration as Jensen went back to staring at him as soon as he wasn't looking. Which he would never do because a. it was his gun and b. Jensen was obviously trying to frustrate him and he would not let on as to how well he was succeeding. 

He gripped his gun and glared at the hacker, growling in annoyance as the other man eyes skittered away again to look at something else. Cougar grabbed his cleaning supplies and stalked out of the bedroom. And he did not slam the door behind, no matter what else anybody will say.

Step 3.  
Send him little signs  
Now it's time to spread a little hope that the man has actually a chance on you. Send him little signs of interest from time to time that make him come forward. For examples:  
Play with your hair or caress other objects.  
Pick some fluff of his jacket (even if there is none!)  
Face him directly and slightly lean forward every now and then  
Wet and bite your lips from time to time

 

It was one of their rare days off. They were off base and trying to relax in a dimly lit bar, one of their more frequent hang outs. Clay and Roque were off near the back, fleecing suckers at pool, while the rest of them were situated around small table littered with empty bottles and plates. 

Cougar and Pooch were sitting together on one side, warily watching Jensen who was sitting across from them. Cougar had a half full beer bottle that he hadn't taken a sip out of for the last five minutes and Pooch had a french fry frozen hanging in the air. 

Jensen was rambling on about leprechauns and chainsaws, which was normal for Jensen and not their cause of concern. Cougar was worried that stress may be getting to Jensen and resolved himself to asking about the possibility of more downtime for the obviously over-worked hacker. He was looking a little manic tonight. His hair was flying everywhere as he couldn't keep his hands out of it- and he kept stroking the butter knife. 

Cougar kept glancing from his face to the butter knife clenched in one hand while the other made it's way slowly up and down the back. Jensen suddenly leaned forward across the table and Cougar froze as the hand that had been stroking the knife came up and picking something off his shoulder. Cougar found himself caught as Jensen was staring deep into his eyes. "A chainsaw has around 200 teeth. And it can cut a person in half in about 12.5 second. Did ya know that Cougs?"

Cougar felt his head shake. Jensen leaned back and finally placed the butter knife on the table. "Well, I gotta hit the little boys room. BRB." Jensen grinned at Cougar and he watched as the man weaved his way towards the restrooms. Pouch let out a breath as Jensen left their sight. The fry dropped back to the plate and he watched as hand quickly reached out and grabbed the butter knife and pocketing it. 

He then looked up and found Pooch glaring at him. "Dude, I don't know what you did to piss Jensen off but fix it...now. Because the Pooch doesn't want to die by either butter knife or a chainsaw. Fix it!"

Step 4.   
Touch his hand accidentally  
When you reach for something, try to accidentally touch his hand. Don't make it too obvious. This creates tension and also a physical connection. And more importantly, it subconsciously communicates that you're not interested in "only being friends".

 

After the scene in the bar Cougar had tried to keep his distance from Jensen until he could figure out what he had done to the hacker to warrant a death by chainsaw. He wasn't doing a very good job though. He didn't know if this was somehow due to his sudden inability to disappear or Jensen's determination to make Cougar aware of how very angry he was with him....over something Cougar was still trying to figure out. 

The newest torture started this morning. Cougar had gone out last night and had gotten a gallon of Jensen's favorite ice cream, because he was a good person and not at all afraid for his life. He had taken it as a good sign that when he sat down that morning with his eggs Jensen was already sitting there with a bowl of said ice-cream.

He had then reached for the pepper shaker and just as his fingers had started to wrap around, he found it pulled from his grasp by Jensen, who was looking a little wide-eyed. He had then watched as Jensen stared between the ice-cream and the pepper shaker for a moment and then his lips had thinned and he shook it over it several times. 

The pepper shaker had then been replaced and Jensen had eaten his ice-cream very quickly before running off to the bathroom. 

This was repeated several times throughout the day with other objects. When he had reached for the remote Jensen had grabbed it from him, flipped mindlessly for several minutes before tossing it back on the couch. When he had picked up the phone to call in the take-out order Jensen had snatched it from him, claiming that he would do it this time. 

By the end of the day, Pooch was giving him pitying looks. Clay had claimed he had some business to do and had left the apartment all together and Roque had asked him if he wanted to be buried or cremated. 

Step 5.  
Get Ready for Some Action  
Well, after doing such a great job, there is no way you won't achieve your motive. He will be lurking all over you in no time. 

 

It had been a week. A week of Jensen being mad at him and driving him out of his mind. He couldn't even clean his gun to calm down anymore. This had to stop. He had been trying to figure out what he had done to warrant Jensen being so angry with him. He couldn't think of anything and if he had accidentally done something then the gallon of ice-cream should have voided that out. After all, it always worked before. 

So he figured the only thing he could do from here is corner Jensen and ask him directly. It might get him killed but the way this week was going it seemed inevitable anyways. He found Jensen in their room, crouched over his laptop screen. He stalked up to him, closed the laptop lid with a snap with one hand while grabbing Jensen's shoulder with the other.   
With the laptop safely placed off the bed he swung his leg up over Jensens lap and with both hands on his shoulders, pinned Jensen down on the bed. Jensen stared up at him, his eyes wide behind his glasses, his lips starting to tug into a grin.

Cougar glared at him and snapped. "Why are you angry at me?" Jensen's mouth opened and then closed. It seemed to take him a minute to catch up to the conversation that they were having.  
"Wha..mad at you? Why do you think I'm mad at you?"  
Cougar growled and pressed down harder on his shoulders. "No more playing. The staring, the chainsaw threats, the snatching and grabbing. Just tell me what to do to stop you from being mad at me."

Jensen seemed to deflate under him and sighed. "I'm not mad at you Cougs. I'm sorry about all that. I didn't mean to make you think I was angry at you. I'm not, okay?"

Cougar narrowed his eyes at him but took his hands off his shoulders. "Prometer?

"Cross my heart. Now do you wanna maybe get off me and watch some Stargate SG-1 with me?" Cougar nodded and despite how comfortable he was he managed to pull himself off Jensen's lap. And it must have been the fact that Jensen was putting in his favorite season and not the way he was bent over doing it which made him feel better then he had for most of the week. Yeah, he'll stick with that. 

_____________________________________________________  
Coming soon: Sequel- How to Seduce a Cougar if 5 Simple Steps...Without Trying


End file.
